Hook-up Tips from a Retired Hoe


Valentine's Day is right around the corner, and I know we all want to meet the one (night stand). But before you go to the club, wearing nothing but wings and bedazzled tighty-whities while telling people you're "serving cupid realness", here's some things to remember.


1. Be Prepared. Be Washed.


Honey, if you plan on meeting the love of your night on Valentine's Day everything had better be washed. Every. Single. Thing. Most important of which is without a doubt your teeth. I don't care if you "aren't the kissing type," stank breathe says hello before you do. Special attention should be paid to everything below the waist as well. Hell, I don't care if you spray a bit of Chanel No. 5 bellow your belly button (who hasn't!), just be mindful of your special friend's needs and make sure everyone is having a good time.


2. You Have Options.


Bottoms, lets talk for a second. This goes hand-in-hand with tip one but knowing your intentions before a night out gives you ample time, but to do what exactly? Well if you want to do it the good 'ol fashion way (anal) your options start with fiber supplements such as Pure for Men, which are a natural and easy way to prepare for harbor for docking. A more classic option is douching; this require a bit more skill and admittedly is not for everyone, but generally provides a cleaner result. And tops... you can just sit there and look pretty :).


3. Have Fun.


This might seem like an obvious one but there's a reason gay people refer to consensual sex as "fun." Experiencing sexual pleasure is a great treat that human adults get to indulge in, and it shouldn't be treated with judgement or worry. Laughing during sex, and light foreplay are great ways to lighten the mood and loosen up. And we all know how many benefits loosening up has.


4. Be Honest.


There is absolutely no shame in being honest about your intentions, especially with the person you are engaging with sexually. Leaving a rendezvous thinking that it was a one night stand but not making that clear to the other person can lead to sticky situations. All too often people are frequently lead on because others don't have the courage to simply say what they mean. They say that honesty is the key to a relationship and something to remember is that even a one time sexual meeting is a relationship of some kind. Just be honest about your expectations for the night and you'll find the quality of your encounters may improve!


5. Talk and Listen.


Communicating with some you're engaging with sexually is one of the most important things you can do. Don't like what they're doing with their tongue? Tell them. Don't know if they like you pinky there? Ask them. You both just want to have a good time and if someone isn't feeling it, its usually quite obvious and can get uncomfortable. You don't have to whisper sweet nothings in their ear, just let them know you're having a good time, and if you're not then just say so.


Of course the most important thing this hoe-liday season is to be safe and use protection or PreP. Horny-ness is no reason to throw caution to the wind and you owe it to yourself, your body, and others to take measures that will keep you safe. Gaye Magazine wishes you a happy and healthy Valentine's Day.




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