Updated: Feb 16
Dating in the 21st century has become based almost entirely online. For many gay men, dating in a social media era of OnlyFans, freak Twitter and hookup culture can be difficult. Though we are not bashing those who are OnlyFans creators, earns a living from sex work or simply engaging in hookup culture, we do however, believe that the current climate on social media may have made finding companionship challenging.
It can be even harder to find love if you are not typically in gay spaces, such as a club or a pride event. So a popular dating/hookup app is sometimes the only option for people trying to find a partner. And because dating apps allow you to easily communicate with people nearby, getting trapped in the rat race of hookup culture is now definitely a thing.
If you are seriously looking to find a soulmate, we have provided some tips we think you should follow when using hookup apps . Keyword: Seriously.
1. Only go online during the day!
Let's not be naïve, the freaks come out at night. So, if you are online after 10 p.m., then don't be surprised if you are sent some dirty messages. If you are seriously trying to find love, we believe that establishing a strong connection before engaging sexually is key to a successful relationship. Yes, you can certainly find love after having sex on the first date, but let us know how well that's been working out for you.
By limiting your activity to being only online during the day, you will naturally weed out many of those who's simply seeking a night of fun with no strings attached. Be warned though, a few will seep through the cracks.
2. Be intentional on your profile
If you are looking for something serious, say that on your profile. Try not to sound desperate. Keep your profile bio short and to the point. Something like this.
3. Use a current photo
We understand that there is a stigma that comes with being on a hookup app. Meaning, there are people who simply do not want their photos being found. Nothing is wrong with being discreet, but for the best results in finding love on a hookup app, it's best to have a photo of yourself displayed.
People flock to what they are attracted to, and honestly, you may be missing your opportunity at true love all because your soulmate doesn't know that you're right next door.
Also, we all hate being catfished and we want to be clear that if you are someone who isn't comfortable sharing a photo of yourself, you must handle that first. As RuPaul infamously stated, “If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”
Almost forgot, a nude photo as your profile pic will only give you what you give out.
4. Use a fake phone number
It's some crazy ass people out here. Needless to say, but safety should always be your number one priority when dating online. So as an extra layer of safety, we advise you to get a second phone number. These days, blocking isn't enough. Thankfully, there are many phone apps that allow you to text and call out for free. Even if your phone is off, you could still use that second number for free over wifi.
Once you start feeling someone on a more serious level, you could then upgrade them to your real phone number. Think of it as a free trial that you can cancel at anytime.
5. Don’t send nudes!
6. Block people who send you nudes on the first message.
Well 'block' sounds a bit harsh, so 'ignore' may be a better word to use. But nevertheless, if you are seeking to be in a serious relationship understand that people who send you their assets on first sight are not likely to be looking for a relationship, or at least take you seriously.
7. Don’t meet at your house. Go on a date!
Need we say more? It's much easier to fight temptation if you are not at home snuggled on the couch or in bed. Go out to eat, find a cool Groupon. Get to know them and have fun, but not too much fun.
8. Read People's Bio!
You can find out a lot about someone by reading their profile bio. Don't get lazy, actually read it. Hopefully that person hasn't written an entire dissertation on not wanting no fats or fems. Don't get too upset when reading those types of bios, it comes with the territory of being on a hookup app. Be sure to pay attention to that person's username as well. If their username is "SlurpOnMe" or "Throat Bandit" you're most likely not going to be on the same page dating wise.
9. No freaky or rude page bios!
Speaking of page bios. We'd like to remind you that first impressions are everything and as much as you are judging others as you read their page, they will be doing the same. So in addition to keeping your profile short and sweet, be kind. Don't bash others because of your preferences and do not use your bio to dwell on negativity from the app. Keep everything about you and what you can bring to the table. Lastly, keep the information you share on your page platonic. The more you share about your sexual desires, the more likely people will think that is all you are about.
10. If you don't want to be seen - take the lead and message first!
As previously stated, we understand that people want to be discreet on a dating app that is often used for hookups. People want their privacy, especially from the weirdos they've previously had to block. Keep in mind, that if you choose not to put up a profile picture, you will need to take the lead when reaching out to people.
Reach out to people who you genuinely want to get to know after checking out their profile. On your first message send a picture. This will help that person know you are serious and not simply hiding behind a blank profile. Don't be afraid of rejection if they don't respond. Whether it's a swipe or few scrolls down the app, there is always another person you can give your time.
11. Don’t ask for their sex position without getting the person’s name first
Imagine some random person coming up to you and the first question they ask is "how do you get down?". Frankly, what you do in the bedroom is nobody's business, and for those with the argument that you 'do not like to waste time', please understand that jumping to this question get's you nowhere, especially if you are looking to seriously date.
By asking if someone is a top or bottom out the gate, then you've immediately placed changed someone's perception that all you are trying to do is have sex. And though that may not entirely be true, remember first impressions are everything. Be respectful and at least ask for their name first.
12. Tell people what you are looking for, don't be shy!
We all have gotten asked, 'what are you looking for?'. If asked, and of course, if you are genuinely interested, be honest and tell them that your are looking to get to know them. This sets the tone that you are looking for something serious without actually having to state that you are looking for a relationship. Based on their response, you can determine if they match your energy. Time for a date.
13. Feeling freaky? Just Masturbate!
We all have needs, and we know you will have those moments. Nothing is wrong with wanting to be sexually satisfied, but you must tame your desires. A dating app will definitely test your strength, but you can manage from masturbation. After self pleasuring, you come to your senses and things start to look a lot more clearly. A good session with yourself will stop you from having that one night stand. Trust us - it works, and deep down, you know it does too.
14. Be Yourself
Read the sub title twice. At the end of the day, no matter how many tips you receive, being yourself will always land you the person that is truly meant for you. Discover who you are if you haven't already and show up in someone else life as the best version of you. Only then will you find your soulmate.