Gay Men & Surrogacy: Debunking the Biggest Myths Ahead of the 2026 Men Having Babies Atlanta Conference

As more gay men pursue biological parenthood through surrogacy, advocates and experts say misinformation around cost, ethics and accessibility continues to keep many prospective parents from exploring pathways that are increasingly common, community-supported and ethically guided.

For many queer people, especially gay men, the dream of parenthood has long existed in tension with systems that historically denied or discouraged the possibility. Surrogacy, once framed in popular culture as something reserved for celebrities and the ultra-wealthy, is increasingly becoming part of how LGBTQ+ families are built across the United States and beyond.

Still, advocates say public conversations about surrogacy often remain clouded by misinformation, moral panic, and outdated assumptions that fail to reflect the realities many intended parents and surrogates experience today.

That’s part of the reason why Men Having Babies, a nonprofit organization focused on providing education and guidance to gay men pursuing parenthood, is bringing its annual conference and expo to Atlanta from June 5-7 at the W Atlanta – Midtown.

The organization, which has spent more than 15 years hosting conferences around the world, says many prospective parents enter the process carrying fears shaped more by headlines and internet discourse than by actual information about how surrogacy works.

Myth #1: Surrogacy Is Only for Rich People

One of the most common misconceptions, according to Men Having Babies, is the belief that surrogacy is accessible only to the wealthy.

“Surrogacy is expensive,” the organization acknowledges, “but there are ways to reduce costs and make it more affordable.”

Advocates say that while the process can involve significant medical, legal, and agency-related expenses, intended parents today have more financial pathways than in previous decades. Some employers now offer family-building benefits that can be applied toward surrogacy costs. Nonprofit organizations, including Men Having Babies, also offer grants and financial assistance programs.

Costs can also vary dramatically depending on geography and the type of services families choose to pursue. Some intended parents opt for what advocates describe as a “modular” approach, contracting only for the services they absolutely need instead of purchasing comprehensive packages through one provider.

International programs in places like Mexico City have also emerged as more affordable alternatives for some families, though advocates stress that intended parents should carefully evaluate legal protections and ethical standards before moving forward.

“The key is understanding your options and making informed decisions,” the organization said, noting that education remains one of the most important tools prospective parents can have before beginning the process.

Myth #2: Surrogacy Exploits Women

Another persistent debate surrounding surrogacy centers on ethics, particularly questions about exploitation and bodily autonomy.

Men Having Babies says it encourages intended parents to pursue only ethical surrogacy arrangements in countries and programs where safeguards for surrogates are clearly established.

In places like the United States, Canada, and some programs in Mexico City, ethical frameworks prioritize informed consent, medical access, and surrogate autonomy, according to the organization.

Advocates warn intended parents to avoid agencies or programs that discourage communication between surrogates and intended parents, fail to conduct social work evaluations, lack qualified legal representation or pressure surrogates into relocation or medically unsafe conditions.

They also caution against compensation structures that tie payment to specific birth outcomes, saying such arrangements can create coercive dynamics.

Research cited by advocates suggests many surrogates who participate in ethically guided programs report positive and empowering experiences, often describing their decision as an intentional act of helping others create families rather than one rooted in desperation or force.

“Ethical surrogacy isn’t exploitation,” the organization argues. “It’s collaboration.”

Myth #3: You Just “Find a Surrogate” and Start

Men Having Babies also hopes to challenge the widespread assumption that surrogacy is a quick or informal process.

“You don’t just find a surrogate and start,” organizers said.

Instead, surrogacy is a highly coordinated, multi-step journey involving medical professionals, attorneys, agencies, insurance providers, egg donors, and ongoing emotional support systems.

The process often begins with education and planning before moving into selecting clinics, agencies, and legal representation. Intended parents then navigate embryo creation, surrogate matching, embryo transfer, pregnancy support, and eventually birth and legal parentage finalization.

Advocates say understanding those moving parts early can help reduce confusion, emotional strain, and unnecessary financial mistakes later.

The organization also emphasizes that the emotional side of the journey can matter just as much as the logistical one.

Building strong relationships with surrogates, clinics, agencies, and support networks can shape the experience in profound ways, organizers said. They also stress that not all providers are equally experienced or affirming when it comes to LGBTQ+ families.

For many intended parents, especially first-time dads, community support becomes essential.

“Learning from other dads and surrogates who’ve been through the process can save time, money, and stress,” the organization said.

The Men Having Babies Conference & Expo will take place June 5-7 in Atlanta. Registration information is available through Men Having Babies.